Sandra the Witch. . .Oh, My

Sandra was actually straddling the San Andreas Fault Line the first time I laid eyes on her. This is geographically true since the Mexican village of the same name was split down its middle by the fault. She was sitting on a tall bar stool and her blondness almost matched the yellow stripe painted the length of the Saltillo Bar. She had a half empty beer bottle in her left hand and a huge yellow tabby cat sleeping on her lap. She had a pair of legs that would make Betty Grable jealous.
She opened the conversation by telling me her name and that she was a witch in her thirteenth reincarnation, and she liked men who seriously admired her legs. I told her I’d never met a witch, but I admitted that line stole the show.

She went on to tell me she was a good witch, could not cast spells, or curses because she was too young! But she added that she did have total control over all animals. Later she took me into a zoo in Pueblo and called a Jaguar over to the fence and scratched its ears, then gave it a series of commands which were obeyed instantly. What the hell. . . .so it goes.

Sandra took me in. I can’t go into details, that’s not part of this tale. However, when I asked her why there was an offering of freshly killed rabbits, ducks, flowers, fruits and veggies every morning at her door she told me they were from the village women who thought she had the power to make their baby son’s penises larger. So it goes.

One day she asked me what age I liked to be treated as. I shrugged, totally amazed and confused. So she explained like this:

"Everyone has the right to select the age they wished to be treated from the time they are born until they are twelve.’ I still gave a shrug and she laughed, pinched my arm and went on explaining. How many people have you met who always wanted to be treated as if they were one year-olds? I mean, how many have you met who just think all they have to do is yell, shout or cry and they get whatever they desire? Man! She had just described most of the teachers I worked with!

So you mortals go from year to year, trying to decide what age you like, and it’s perfectly okay until you get to twelve. Once you hit that age, it’s all over, and you are now in an inescapable Hell for the rest of your life. I demanded she explain that.

You’re twelve, and the elevator doesn’t go any higher my Bear. So from now on you will have all adult duties and obligations. You clean the dishes, wash the clothes, cut the grass, and so on! You also get to pay adult prices for all entertainment, but you never allow yourself to see R-rated movies or enjoy adult entertainment, because in your head, you just aren’t old enough, mature enough to enjoy. It just makes you very uncomfortable.

Now that blew me away. That also covered lots of my peers as well as a few very close friends. I had to know, how old she thought I liked to be treated. She gave me a sly smile an told me I really didn’t want her to do that. I told threatened that unless she did I wasn’t putting out any more. She almost choked laughing at me, we were in bed just then. ‘You’re the classic four year old.’ I demanded to know why that age, and she laughed again.‘ There are many characteristics, but there is really only one that made you select that age. All your life, Bear, you’ve known you can go out without any pants on. Even though you know it’s wrong, you also know there are two reasons you can do this. And don’t consider your pants literally. First you claim you’re too young to know any better. And second, you’re smart enough to know they’ll believe you. And if there’s a doubt, you act real cute and they forgive you. So most of your life you have known that you can get away with anything you want to do, right? You have never had any rules forced on you. She was right. More Sandra tales later.